My Life in Haiti: 2012

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Haiti 2012 Photo Album

Click here to view this photo book larger

You'll love Shutterflys award-winning photo books. Try it today.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

the last leg of this summer is coming to a close very rapidly. i've noticed that the closer it gets for me to board a plane in 5 days, the more excited i get to see my amazing and supportive family and friends! but it also has made me incredibly sad knowing that i'll be leaving this terrific country with no set dates on when i'll be returning ...

today i'm tired.
i'm not feeling so well.
i'm a little short tempered.
i'm also a little crazy.
i'm missing home.
i'm trying to absorb everything about this country that i love so much.
i miss my family.
i miss my friends.
i miss sweet tea.
i feel like crying.
and i'm really missing my "daddy".

sometimes life is hard. and sometimes i don't understand why i feel the way i do. like today, i don't get it. i woke up in a beautiful country with mountains surrounding me. i drove an hour away to do a mobile clinic on an amazing back road in haiti. when we got home i went across the street and got an ice cold coka.

but i still feel ...

tired.
lonely.
homesick.
sad.
frustrated.
confused.
angry.
excited.
joyous.
love.
peace.

SMG

Friday, July 27, 2012

Summer Favorites: Part 5 - Haitian Staff

If you've read my most popular blog "Communication," then you read about the frustrations and failures of this summer. I want my supporters and sponsors to know that this summer hasn't all been terrible. It was definitely worth my time, energy, and finances to spend 9 weeks in the country that has taken over part of my heart.

I will be writing a blog series about each of my favorite things about this summer ...

Haitian Staff

We spend our fair share of time out on the field doing mobile clinics, spending time in the orphanages, and going to varies communities; however, alot of our time is spent at the house and/or driving. Because of that I've got to form relationships with our translators, drivers, and the staff around the house.

When people think of helping internationally, I think they often think about the babies they will hold, the women they might help wash laundry, the houses they will build for communities, the patients they will see, and so on. So often the drivers that get you from point A to point B, the translators that allow you to speak and build the relationships with the locals, and the ones that cook your meals get forgotten.

Our divers/translators:

Ostanel - he's my fellow cray-cray member!! He was our driver when we came across the riot when we were trying to get home. After sleeping at a hotel, we woke up at 4am and he got us safely home before the riot started again.

Jamil - he was our translator/driver most days when we were working in Port-au-Prince. He has a heart like no other. The man can be sweet and sentimental one minute and be laughing and joking with me the next. He definitely is one of my 'favorites' from this summer!!

Peter - I spent most of my time with him in a car driving from Cabaret to Gonaives to do the mobile clinics. He listens to what I think is classical music while having the worst road rage I've seen!! He told me there are two rules to driving in Haiti "when and when not" ... know when to pass and when not to pass.

Staff at the House:

Manouchka - she was one of the cooks, and boy could she cook!! Our washer seemed to always break when it was my day to wash clothes (first world problem). That meant I had to wash my clothes by hand. It was definitely alot of work and tiring, but I didn't mind doing it. Buuut every time I was out back, squatting down washing my clothes, Manouchka would peak her head out of the kitchen and always laugh at the way this "crazy, white girl" did laundry! Which in return would always make me laugh and smile! I'm gonna miss that smile of hers!

Deni - she was our other cook! I would come in the kitchen every morning and always say "bonjou" and she would always have a huge smile on her face - then I would head to the coffee that she so graciously made each morning. It was my favorite way to start each morning ... Deni and Coffee!

Bonnell - he stayed at the intern house, so I got to spend alot of time with him, especially at night when we all hung out around the table playing cards. He's around all of our ages, so he got along with us well. He was our go-to guy when we needed the generator turned on or needed to go down to the corner market!

Tipap (Robenson) - he is the man of the house! Tipap knows everything! When Tipap says "wow" you know there's trouble! My favorite memory of him was when we were driving home from one of the orphanages and our front axial broke. He got out of the car, kicked the front tire, and said "wow!" We all laughed because we knew something was up. When we got out of the car we saw that the axial was no longer connected to the tire. Without hesitation, Tipap got in the back of the car, got a rope, and tied the axial back to the tire. And we drove home!

Piti (Andre Paul) - he knows very little English and I know very little creole, so our conversations were very limited, but there was never a moment when I saw Piti that I didn't have a smile on my face! He said "whooo" alot and drove his bike from the guesthouse to the intern house all the time.

Marlene - her room was across the hall from mine, so I saw her every morning before leaving and every evening before going to bed. She always had a smile on her face, which was very contagious! One one of our trips to Williamson, we stopped to look at the ocean and I stepped in some goat poop. She thought the 'dance' I was doing to get it off my shoe was hilarious. It later became known as the 'cray-cray dance.'

Honorary Haitian Member:
Brad - his role I think is "guesthouse manager" but the boy does anything and everything around the house!! He fixes things when it's broken, digs up dirt, fixes the vehicles, tries to fix the internet, chases rats, plays with his light saber, laughs at inappropriate times (like me), and he's a big kid at heart! Not sure how the guesthouse is going to run after he leaves. And I'm definitely not sure how I would have made it through this summer without his crazy self and having him to vent too! Special guy!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Summer Favorites: Part 4 - The Interns

The Interns

This summer I have worked with 7 other individuals. As a whole our group couldn't have had any more different personalities. This had both its ups and downs. It was good to have a wide range of people because we all brought different strengths and ideas to the table, but it was also a bad thing because of all the differences of opinions, values, thoughts and beliefs, which brought on quite a few arguments.

Even with the disagreements, I couldn't imagine this summer without the 7 other interns.

Shelby: We were probably the most different from each other. This brought along many arguments and hard feelings very early on. We eventually learned to see each others differences as more of a good thing and learned to work together more. Her love for the children shines through everyday whether she's singing a song, teaching a lesson, or just sitting on the floor talking with them.

Emily: She is definitely one of the biggest encouragers that I have every met. Even when there was tensions in the house, she was the first one to try and smooth things over (definitely annoying at times when you're as stubborn as I am and want to stay angry). She was our peacemaker of the house. We are in two totally different places in life, but I never once felt judged or condemned by her. She's a special soul.

Karissa: She's our "mom" and "mature" one of the group. When we'd all be heated about a subject, she was our voice of reason - granted I didn't always take that voice of reason to heart. She was also the calm one. Her love for the Haitian people and her desire to see the education system thrive in Haiti is very apparent when you first meet her.

Steph: I didn't get to spend alot of time with her because she was only here three weeks, but I couldn't imagine the summer or mobile clinics without her. She was definitely a key role in the start-up of our clinics. She's a very smart young woman and is going to be an amazing doctor in a few years!

MC: My Haitian Sister! We clicked from the very start. We're both loud, crazy, opinionated, and not afraid to fight for what we believe in. There's no way I would have had the experience here without her. In fact, I probably wouldn't have made it through the first couple of weeks without her. She helped me understand so much more about Haitian culture and gave me an inside scope.

Lara: I'll admit at first I didn't think we were going to get along. She arrived in Haiti when I was very angry and frustrated about many things and I wasn't really up for forming any new relationships. Everything quickly changed and she became one of the ones I was the closes too. There were times when she 'got' me and no one else did. There were also times when she knew exactly what I was thinking or feeling and helped me see why things were happening or shined a light when I didn't understand someones words or actions.

Charles: Many people talk about someone being their "other half," well he is my "same half!" Scary, I know!! We realized early on that we were going to get along very well. We're so alike on so many things that it's frequently scary. With so many frustrations this summer, he's the only one I could talk to that completely knew why I was feeling the way I was, mainly because he was feeling the same exact way. Luckily he was already here when I arrived and he's also leaving after me - I made it through this summer with the help of his crazy self. We were able to get through situations just because we laughed if off and didn't take alot of things seriously - many times we were the only ones laughing. We work well together and understand each other in a way that I don't know how to explain. I definitely became the closes to him this summer. He's like a brother - we make fun of each other, call each other out, laugh at ridiculous things, but at the end of the day we have each others back!

Summer Favorites: Part 3 - Car Problems

Car Problems

I am convinced that the mechanics in Haiti are far more advanced than any mechanic in the states.

The way that people drive in Haiti mixed with the rough roads with tons of potholes, it is just a combination for disaster You'd think there wouldn't be any working vehicles - that is where the superb mechanics come in!

We had a flat tire my very first day in Haiti, a tire completely fall apart last week, and a broken front axial a couple weeks into the summer. The tires were both no problem. The flat tire we got fixed and put back on the car and the tire that fell apart we replaced with a spare.

Fixing the axial was a different story. Now, I'm no car expert by any means, but from the knowledge I do have, if the front axial is no longer connected to the front tire, then that's just asking for trouble, right?

We were driving home with Tipap when he stopped the car, got out, kicked the front tire, and said, "wow!" When Tipap says "wow" you know something is wrong! Without hesitation, he got a rope from the back of the car and tied the axial back together and we drove home.

Superb mechanics I tell ya!

Monday, July 23, 2012

Summer Favorites: Part 2 - Angelica

Angelica

In the beginning of the summer we weren't doing anything medical, so Charles and I started our own little med project ... doing well check-ups on the kids in the two orphanages we were working with, Tree of Life and FPCH. Before even starting the check-ups we knew that many of the kids were malnourished and very little for their age. After completing the first round of check-ups all of our suspensions were accurate. We saw several kids that were suffering from protein deficiency, several skin rashes, some croup, but what startled us the most was finding a child with what we assume was pneumonia. Her name was Angelica and she was a very sick little 3 year old who didn't say a single word, she just clung to me because she felt some kind of comfort in my arms. She would lay on a bench off to the side and just sleep because she didn't have enough energy to do anything else. Charles and I were both extremely upset that this was going unnoticed and untreated, but we were bound and determined to get her well! Luckily, we had a medical team staying with us that offered to go check her out. Our suspensions were right on target and we started a round of antibiotics right away. That was on a Friday. On the following Tuesday when we went to visit the orphanage I was so relieved to see that the little 3 year old that wouldn't talk, smile, laugh, or play was now doing all the above. I was able to actually play with her instead of just hold her in my arms. I have a video of her on the swing set laughing and talking like any healthy 3 year old should be doing ... SUCCESS STORY!

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Summer Favorites: Part 1 - Tree of Life and FPCH

Tree of Life and Foundation for the Promising Children of Haiti (FPCH)

When I came to Haiti this summer I thought I was going to be doing primarily medical work, with a few other things on the side. What I didn't know was that I would be spending the first several weeks only doing those few other things on the side. That included visiting two orphanages on a pretty regular basis, Tree of Life and FPCH. I've always been the type of person that is drawn to kids, and them to me, so naturally I got attached pretty early on. His name was Roosevelt (pronounced oos-velt) from Tree of Life. He was 3 years old and as soon as we got there everyday he was raising his arms up for me to hold him and I'd hold him most of the day. Like clockwork, every afternoon, he would start throwing fits. And every afternoon I would hold him in my arms, sing him some songs, and put him down for a nap. He stole my heart.

A couple weeks into the summer we drove up to Tree of Life on a Monday, just like we had been doing every Monday. Something was different about this Monday though. There weren't as many kids running up to greet us. My initial thoughts were that they were busy playing inside. What I quickly realized was that they were gone. 7 of them had left, including Roosevelt. The reasons are too complicated to voice in this blog, but I hope and pray that they are safe with who they're with.

While working with Tree of Life and FPCH many of the other kids have left long lasting impacts on my life as well ... Anne Marie, Elemnia, Lovensky, Dudline, Dudvaline, Judline, Blondina to name a few. I also developed the nickname "cray-cray" pretty early on from all of the kids. I really think many of them thought that was actually my name, lol.

SMG

Saturday, July 21, 2012

12 Days

12 Days ...

I leave Haiti to head back to the states in 12 days. It seems a bit unreal. While, there have been tons of frustrations this summer, I still have many memories I won't forget. I've experienced things that you just can't experience in a first world and I've met people that I wouldn't meet in Knoxville, Tennessee.

I love Haiti. I love the calm and stillness of the small villages, but I also love the crazy-ness of Port-au-Prince. I love the huge mountains that I have got to see everyday and the crystal blue Carribean I've got to spend some time in a couple times.

I remember when my countdown to come to Haiti was at 12 days. I was getting so super pumped and ready to spend my summer in my second home country. I'm leaving super pumped and excited that I got to spend as much time here, even with all the frustrations. And even with those frustrations, I can safely say that this is still the place that I want to live after I get my RN!

SMG

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Communication

I don't know much about trying to run a non-profit organization, but from what i do know, communication is key. And that means communication between all parties involved. From the president, to the board, the donors, the partners, the workers, and the volunteers. I think this is especially key when you are in a third world country, like Haiti.

The lack of communication that World Wide Village has between every person involved is lacking.

I realize that working in Haiti you must expect the unexpected and have patience because everything isn't going to go according to plans. However, when it comes to promising things to others, whether in the states or in Haiti, you HAVE to follow through.

You can't promise to provide food to an orphanage and not make sure they have coal or propane to cook that food.

You can't run a mobile medical clinic without sending enough money to provide basic medications for the patients.

You can't leave the volunteers working on the ground out of the loop of basic information and decisions.

You can't run an adequate organization if you're the only one allowed to make the final decisions and you aren't living the daily Haitian life. You're not working alongside the Haitians and talking with them daily, and figuring out how to properly serve them, but you say you're the one who gets the final say. That's not right.

You run your organization horribly. You need to wake up and smell the make-up mister. When you've had a 100% turnover rate in your American staff (both in the states and Haiti) then something isn't working. If your Haitian staff is worried to step up and say how they feel because they're worried you'll send them out the front gate, something isn't right. When you try to stretch 8 interns way to far and they all question your motives, you're doing something wrong. And when 6 out of the 8 interns spend the extra money to change their flight to go home early because of varies frustrations, something isn't working. When you are running a 2.5 million dollar organization but you lose your warehouse with everything in it because you didn't pay the rent, something is wrong. When the landlord of one of your houses is furious with you because you're not paying him rent either, something is wrong. When you claim to be helping an orphanage yet one of the kids is suffering from double pneumonia without being noticed or treated, something is wrong.

This summer internship has been less than ideal. It has made me so furious at times that I turned into a version of myself that I hate. I'm honestly sick to my stomach when I think about what this organization is doing, or actually not doing. I feel as though I'm not helping find a solution, but causing a bigger problem. I worry about the well-being of the kids in the orphanages I've come into contact with. After the interns are gone, who's going to be there to fight and make sure they get adequate nutrition? Who's going to be doing well check-ups on the kids to make sure everything is going good and that the kids are healthy? The answer is NO ONE which has caused me to be numb and I have guarded my heart from fully investing into the kids lives.

The thing that bothers me the most personally is I'm questioning where God is in all of this. This is my third time in Haiti and I've always left in a better spiritual place than when I arrived; however, this summer has put me into a darker hole then I've ever been before.

World Wide Village is a corrupt organization ran more like a dictatorship than anything else. They have been on the ground in Haiti since 2001 and from what I've witnessed, very little has been done to help the Haitians. WWV tries to get involved with numerous projects but pushes the volunteers and the finances way to thin where nothing gets adequately done. It's like WWV wants the attention for 'ALL' they're doing so they can increase their donors, but they sensor what they allow the public to know. Don't let their website or the special on Bill and Giuliana Rancic fool you ... World Wide Village is causing more problems than solving the solutions.

A piece of my heart will always be in Haiti and I'll be back, probably to live long term once I get my RN, but NEVER again with World Wide Village.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Gonaives, Haiti

Gonaives, Haiti - 3 hours north of Port-au-Prince
lots of rice farms
beautiful mountains
gorgeous scenery

This past week three med interns and I have spent our time doing mobile clinics in varies places around Gonaives, Haiti that typically don't get much aid. We have 3 Haitian nurses with us and 2 translators.

Each day we have went to a different area and set up our clinics. The patients start lining up right away. We've got a system down pact where we have teamed up and can see two patients at a time. We've saw 125 patients this past week. There have been a wide range of diagnoses anywhere from vaginal infections, anemia, GI problems, lots of hypertension, down to the basic cold.

Since higher education is very rare here, if you know anything about health care or medication, you're pretty much considered a doctor. This past week I have seen patients, checked BPs and temps, asked questions, given physical exams, diagnosed, and even written prescriptions ... and to think I haven't even started nursing school yet.

Working in the mobile clinics this past week has made me very eager to get back to the states and start nursing school. I can't wait to actually learn everything there is to know, especially medication. I think spending this summer in Haiti is going to make me a better nursing student because I'm so anxious to learn everything I can, so I can be one step closer to moving to Haiti for more long term and help in the clinics.

SMG

Sunday, July 1, 2012

I've Become Accustomed to Haiti Living

I have officially been in Haiti for a month now ... and I haven't blogged in over two weeks, but honestly not alot has happened.

I know I've said this several times, but this summer has proved to be nothing like what I anticipated or prepared for. Actually, I don't think I adequately prepared for this summer like I should have. I wasn't mentally or emotionally prepared for what I was going to see, experience, or go through while being in Haiti for 2 months.

I have put up a wall around my heart and refused to get close to any more kids because my heart can't take it and I don't want to hurt these kids. My past trips to Haiti were different; I knew that my OVI kids were going to have adequate care and their needs would be met and I would see them again when I traveled with them. With the kids in these orphanages that we're visiting this summer, I have serious doubts on whether or not they are going to be looked after when I leave this summer. It's challenging - way harder than I ever could imagine.

Besides having a wall around my heart, I have also become accustomed to the daily life of living in Haiti and seeing the daily struggles that the Haitians have to go through. That's one thing I didn't want to happen. I didn't want to become numb to the hardships I see here, but sadly that has happened. I'm 'used' to Haiti in ways that I never thought I would be.

These are the things I've become used to, some are normal for living here for so long, others not so much ...

-drinking a 20 ounce 7up that tastes like salt around the rim
-all the crazy honking that goes on while driving down the road ... it might mean "hey" "move" "get out of my way" "thank you" or any other number of things
-driving through huge puddles because there's constant standing water
-the women carrying huge baskets on their heads ... I still don't know how they do it
-not only the puddles, but the roads are very very bumpy ... I question how I'm going to drive when I get back to the states
-the huge amounts of motorcycles that are on the roads and how they can carry 4 people, plus a bag of rice .. amazing!!
-there is no AC, so our fans become our best friend!! ... especially when we get home from being out all day and at night when we're trying to sleep
-I've gotten used to not eating lunch, just breakfast and dinner ... so much to the point that today I tried to eat a triple club sandwich and I could only eat half of it because my stomach was terribly confused
- riding on a tap-tap (huge taxi) for over an hour on these bumpy, puddle filled roads
-the smell of Haiti ... I can't described it ... you know what I'm talking about if you've ever been here
-while driving over the bridges there are huge river under them ... these rivers serve as drinking water, water to wash clothes in, water to bathe in, and water for the pigs to hangout in
-EDH (our electricity) ... crazy!!! lights flicker on and off all the time ... it might last 4 hours, or it might last 4 days
-the showers here only have cold water, which is no problem ... the problem is that the water barely comes out ... I don't think I've adequately washed all the conditioner out of my hair since I've been here
-since we can't drink the water we have to have a cup to brush our teeth with ... this has become second nature to me now
-as if the bumpy roads, motorcycles, and puddles weren't bad enough, there's the traffic ... it's horrible!! Mack trucks driving in the middle of the road directly at us. Tap-Taps on the side of the road that we swerve to miss. Oh it's intense ... but I'm used to it. Driving on smooth roads with actual road laws is going to be weird when I get back to the states
-there are police here, but I have still yet to figure out what they actually do
-I've experienced a riot while being here ... that was an experience!
-so the car repairmen here must be amazing because the cars last alot longer on these bumpy crazy roads that most American cars would be destroyed over ... including our left front axial breaking and it was fixed by tying a rope to it ... yea take that!!
-since there are always so many people out on the sides of the road, people tend to use anywhere and everywhere as their restroom ... they just whip it out or pop a squat anywhere
-the heat! oh the heat is intense! you get used to sweating ALL day long!
-the naked babies that we see while driving through the villages
-guys (and girls) peeing on the side of the road, whenever and where ever they want
-lots of babies with big bellies and orange colored hair :(

So, those are some of the basics that you get used to while living in Haiti. I know there's more that I didn't mentioned. It's just my sometimes crazy life in Haiti!!

We're going to Gonaives (about 3 hours north of Port-au-Prince) to help in a medical clinic for the next week. We'll see how that goes! Until then....

SMG

Friday, June 15, 2012

Week Two

I realized very quickly that this summer was nothing like I expected or prepared for. I don't think I've ever had this many emotional roller coasters back to back, especially in the same day.

This has been an interesting week. I started it out with a very positive attitude. I was bound and determined to make the best of every single day. Unfortunately I can't say that it has ended with that much of a positive attitude.

On Monday we went to Tree of Life. That was a good day for me. I got to spend some time with the kids. And Marline, the caregiver, braided my hair! Watch out world, I'm turning Haitian slowly, but surely.

Tuesday proved to be a very interesting day. We went out in the morning to Williamson to finish up doing some surveying. We left Williamson around 11:30am to head back home and to go to FPCH. Well.... that didn't exactly happen.

On our way to Williamson we saw tires burning on one of the side roads. What we didn't realize was that was the start of a riot. That community was fighting for electricity. On our way back the road was completely blocked off and cars were just lined up for miles. We ended up pulling off on a side road and just sat there trying to wait it out. After about 6 hours we realized that we might not be going home.

We went to a local restaurant to get some dinner and then headed to find a hotel. Obama Beach Hotel was near by, but when we got there we were told that they don't accept credit cards. So off to Wahoo Beach Resort we went, but because of the riot they were packed. Luckily one of the interns here, MC, worked her magic with a couple of the guys and we were able to stay in the workers lounge room. Basically it was a big open room for storage with random mattresses on the ground and no lock on the door.

We left around 4am to try and head back home. Riots typically last all day, they close up at night, and then start again early in the mornings. So, we thought by leaving super early that we might be able to pass through before they started up. Luckily, that's exactly what happened. It was kinda spooky because it was pitch black, barely anyone on the streets, and we were a vehicle full of white people, not a good combination.

We passed by where they had burned debris in the street and we cheered thinking we were in the clear. Then we came across two vehicles in the street that had been burned and left as a barricade. We zig-zaged past that and then came across a truck parked diagonal in the street. We passed by that and then came across our biggest hurdle, a MACK truck parked literally across the street. We were able to get off the road and onto the shoulder and get past the truck. Then we were in the clear! We made it back home a little after 5 completely worn out and very thirsty.

We rested for a little bit, had breakfast, and then headed to FPCH. This proved to be my hardest day here. Charlie, Lara, and I decided to do well check-ups on the kids. We measured their arms, legs, abdomens, took their temps, and got their height (we're doing their weight next week). At least one-fourth of the kids are malnourished, many have skin rashes, several have the croupe, but one little girl, Angelica, seemed to be the worse. She's 3 years old, has a hard time breathing, and has what seemed to be fluid on her lungs. Charlie's initial diagnosis was pneumonia.

As I held Angelica in my arms to give her some pain reliever (we're very limited with medicine here) she clung to me. She wrapped her little arms around my neck and wouldn't let go. My heart began to break for this child. I wanted to do something to make her feel better, but because we don't have adequate equipment or medicine, there really wasn't anything else we could do. It frustrates me that medical is not a primary concern for WWV. It frustrates me that this little girl is getting brushed under the rug because she is quiet and just another child of 31.

Leaving FPCH Wednesday I was ready to give up. I was ready to call my mom and tell her to change my flight because I was coming home.

I spent the rest of the day discouraged and kept to myself. That evening I had a very hard time sleeping. I kept waking up thinking about Angelica. That feeling continued into Thursday morning. I had 3 separate emotional meltdowns, all in the matter of an hour. I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything, but I had to go to Tree of Life.

I'm thankful that we went though because it helped my spirits some. The 13 kids there seem to be happier than at the beginning of the summer. I don't know if it's because we bring them snacks every day, so they are fuller on days we go. Or if they are getting more comfortable with us, which allows them to open up more. Whatever the case may be, the kids seem to smile and laugh and run around more, which I'm very thankful for.

We have a medical team staying at our house this week, so after we got home from Tree of Life, Charlie, Lara, and I went with them to go check out Angelica. Based on their knowledge and very limited resources, they think that she does in fact have pneumonia and recommended a medicine treatment. I ended Thursday feeling a little better about the situation because we had a plan of action for Angelica.

Today was a work day, so we didn't have any definite plans. Charlie, Lara, and I went to FPCH to start Angelica's treatment. The medical team recommended we be there for at least 30 minutes after we administrated her first dose in order to make sure she didn't have a reaction. Being able to see her today and hold her was very good for me. She wasn't as clingy as the other day, which was good; however, she was extra clingy when it came time for me to leave. It breaks my heart each time I have to peel her off me and leave her. I just hope that this medicine will help her and she will get better super fast!

When people ask how my trip is going I feel like I always have the same answer ... Oh, it's going. There seem to be new frustrations and disappointments every day. There are good times and bad. Funny and sad. No day goes according to plans and something always happens that we don't expect. Hey, it's Haiti!

7 more weeks to go ...

BTW, my computer finally said "no more," so I probably won't be blogging as much or uploading pictures. Check out my Instagram Album on Facebook for pictures I take on my phone!

SMG

Friday, June 8, 2012

First Week in Haiti

To say that this week has been a challenge puts it very lightly.

Once I arrived I was excited to see where I would be staying, who I would be working with, what a typical schedule would look like, and just to dive right into living the Haiti life. I was quickly faced with several tests, and unfortunately failed most miserably.

I found out some information from the very get go that really disappointed me (not to be discussed on my blog). So I was put into a negative mood very quickly. This negative mood made me look at the days tasks negatively. This negative mood made me not be as open to getting to know the other interns for who they truly are. I was bitter. Upset. Disappointed. Angry.

All these negative emotions caused the beginning of my first week to be very long, hard, tiring, and down right awful. I didn't give my full self to the children we met in the orphanages, the people we met out in the community, or the relationships that I was failing to embrace from the other interns.

Thursday morning (June 7th) I was woken up early because the EDH (our electricity) went off. I woke up hot and sweaty and in another negative mood. I tried and tired to fall back asleep, but it just wasn't happening. Being the only one awake I decided to go to the rooftop and watch the sunrise. What I didn't realize then, that I know now, was that was exactly what I needed.

Sitting on the roof, the palm trees blowing beside me, and beautiful colors in the sky above me was a perfect combination to turn negative Nancy off and turn positive Polly on. I was alone with just my thoughts. I was able to sort through some of the mixed emotions I had been feeling all week. I decided then and there that I was going to make this the best adventure that I intended it to be!

So after my meditation time Thursday morning I was renewed and restored. I was ready give my full self to each of my daily tasks and show my team members the true Samantha and not the creature I had somehow become.

We went to an orphanage called "Tree of Life" that currently has 13 kids living there. We went there earlier in the week, but I didn't have the best experience because of my horrible attitude. This time there was incredible. I danced with the kids, took some pictures, held several precious little ones, and just thoroughly enjoyed myself, while hopefully brightening these kids days.

I realized that these kids have a smile on their face most of the day just by me being there and offering myself to them, so what on earth do I have to complain about? These kids only have two meals a day, a small breakfast around 6 or 7 and a bigger lunch around 1 or 2, so I can hold off a couple hours to have my lunch snack until after I leave the orphanage. It isn't these kids fault that everything here isn't what I expected it to be, so why do they deserve to be punished by me not offering my complete and whole self up to them? They don't!

Today I started my day off the same way as yesterday; I went to the rooftop to have my alone time. Huge success and very rewarding.

Today our task was to go to Williamson (about an hour north of Port-au-Prince) to continue surveying that community and finding out their needs. As soon as we got there the school in that community had finished up for the day and the kids were playing jump rope. I immediately put down my notebook and jumped right in. Who wouldn't have a big smile on their face by playing a massive game of jump rope with a couple dozen kids? We moved onto taking some pictures, then ring around the rosy, duck duck goose, and finished up with singing the hokey pokey. Great start!

Then it was time to head towards the houses to do our surveying. This was the third time this week that we did this and honestly it's not something I really wanted to do again. I was already super hot and super sweaty and feeling a little sick to my stomach from running around and playing with the kids. I didn't want to walk on rocky streets, uphill, talk to families who have very little, all in the hot sun. But this time I set out with a different attitude. You know it's a daily task for these families to walk these same rocky streets, in the same hot sun, wearing worn out flips flops or no shoes at all for a couple miles in order to just get water, and not clean water at that. So if they can do that on a daily basis, then you better believe that I can do it for a couple hours in my tennis shoes, where I can go to the truck after we're done and drink clean cold water, drive back home, and sit in front of a fan to cool me off.

This week started out on a negative foot, but I am happy to say that it has ended 10x better than it began. I have a better attitude about what I'm here to do. I have apologized to my team mates that I hurt in the beginning and have begun to put a band aid on that relationship and start over. I have opened my eyes more to what all this summer has to offer me as long as I keep an open mind to everything that is set in front of me.

This is going to be an adventure. I'm going to have bad days. I'm going to get into bad moods. We're going to have arguments and disagreements. But at the end of this summer I want to be able to say that I've made a difference in the people's lives that I have come into contact with. I want to be able to say that I've meet some friends that I'll never forget. And I want to have the best summer of my life!!

SMG

Monday, June 4, 2012

Struggles

Wow! Today started out with all kinds of struggles for me. I felt isolated. I felt alone. I felt that I was in the wrong place. I felt unsure of a lot of things. I felt like I didn’t have any answers to anything. Some of those struggles are still with me (please keep me in your prayers), but several of those struggles were quickly removed from my mind after today.

With all these feelings going through my mind, there’s nothing better than a conversation with my momma. So I called her before we left for the day. She never ceases to amaze me. She always knows the right words to say when I’m feeling down. Funny how that works! (Love You Mom!)

Today we went to an orphanage called ‘Tree of Life’ that is about 15 minutes from our house. They currently have 13 children and two motherly figures. As soon as we got out of the car one little boy held his hands up for me to hold him. Honestly from my past experiences in Haiti, this didn’t surprise me. I instantly feel in love with this little boy. I knew he was going to be ‘mine.’ And sure enough he stuck with me the whole day.

After spending some time with the precious children I saw how malnourished they are and how much they just yearn to have someone to hold them. It breaks my heart every time I think about it.

My little boy, Roosvelt (oos-velt), was one of the more severe malnourished children. He was very quiet. He didn’t smile very much. He really worried me. After lunch time and he had his belly full, he came and found me and raised his little arms up for me to pick him up. His demeanor changed. He was happier and seemed to enjoy the other children more.

Seeing this made my heart break over and over again. I was showing this little boy love and attention, but that wasn’t enough. He was hungry. His belly was aching for nutrition. This just reminds me that no matter the circumstances, if someone doesn’t have their basic needs met, then they aren’t going to care about much of anything else.

While the children were playing before lunchtime I couldn’t help but think how hungry I was. How thirsty I was and would do just about anything for some cold water. But then it hit me. These children go through that on a daily basis. They only get 2 meals a day, one around 7 or 8 in the morning and one around 12 or 1 in the afternoon, and that’s it. Their bellies are always craving something more. This is a recurring theme, but …

That broke my heart even more.

How can I be so caught up in me me me when I’ve never once questioned where my next meal would come from or if it would feel me up? Or if the water I’m drinking was going to hurt me.

Another thing that hit me straight in the face was the two women who run the orphanage. Neither one of them technically ‘run’ the orphanage, that lady has disappeared, but these women have stuck around because they care for these kids so much. They don’t eat unless there’s enough for the kids first. They sacrifice so much for these kids. There are no finances coming in, so they use their own money to help raise these children. They are very strong women. I am a better person for knowing them. And I’m anxious to see where our relationship goes throughout this summer.

I know this was a long blog post, but I had a powerful day and had to share some of the biggest things. I ask that you all continue to lift me up in prayer and keep sending me encouragement (comments, facebook messenger, email: samantha.gross1213@gmail.com) as I’m still having some hard times. It’s hard being here with no family, long term friends, or anyone who completely ‘gets’ me like so many from back home do, so the communication from back home helps! I love you all!!

SMG

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Flat Tire

On our way to Williamson (a town in Haiti) yesterday we ended up getting a flat tire. We all get out of the car and look at the tire and laugh. What else could we do but laugh?

We're broken down on the side of the road in Haiti. Yay!!

Luckily it happened in a less populated area, so safety wasn't as big of an issue. But even better, we broke down about 10 feet from a tire shop. How awesome is that?!

While we were waiting on them to fix our tire we met a Haitian man who was super nice and very smart. He knew 5 languages: Creole, French, German, Spanish, and English. Heck he knew better English than I did!

We were stopped right next to a house and I heard a baby crying inside. I said aww I want to hold the baby. So our interpreter told them and they brought the baby down for me to hold. So precious! (I found out later that my team mates thought I was weird for doing that ... apparently they don't know my love of children just yet lol)

Someone ended up meeting us with another car so we took off to Williamson in the new car while he waited for the tire to get fixed on the other car.

Everyone was safe and everything turned out just fine. And now I have an awesome story to tell about my first day here.

Success? I think so!!

SMG

Friday, June 1, 2012

First Day in Haiti

I was the first one to wake up this morning. Not really surprising to me because I was the first to go to sleep and plus today is my first official day in Haiti. Who wouldn’t be excited and ready to get the day going? This chick sure is!! I feel refreshed and ready to go see the wonderful people of Haiti.

During my quiet time this morning I asked God to lead me to a passage in the Bible that He wanted me to read. I happened upon Proverbs and started reading chapter 3. This happens to be one of my favorite passages …

⁵Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

do not depend on your own understanding.

⁶Seek his will in all you do,

and he will show you which path to take. (NLT)

BAM!! What a verse to kick start this amazing adventure I’m set on. I am here in Haiti without a doubt because it’s where God wants me to be. This is the path that He has chosen for me!

Two years ago when I experienced Haiti for the first time, God started changing my desires and my passions right then. He showed me that His will for my life wasn’t exactly what I planned to do with my life initially. My plans were to become a nurse, work in a hospital, get married, and start a family. His plans were for me to become a nurse and move to Haiti. Is getting married in that equation too? Probably. That’s still a major desire of my heart and by this point I think God would have taken that desire away if He didn’t have planned for me to get married. Is a family in my future? More than likely, but it might mean I have dozens of children to love and care for in Haiti and eventually might adopt a few in the future as my own.

Is thinking about being a medical missionary in Haiti scary? You bet your bottom dollar. I worry about disease, natural disasters, and dehydration to name a few. But living in the US being a nurse comes with dangers too. So when I get worried about my future, my heart clings to this verse above and I know without a shadow of doubt that this is the path that God had planned for me all along. I also cling to Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you.” says the Lord, “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

So let’s do this Haiti adventure!! I’m ready to love on some babies, sit and talk to some women, and just be a shining light to their world!

SMG

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Goodbye/Hello

Goodbye to my Friends and Family
Goodbye Driving
Goodbye Sweet Tea
Goodbye Air Conditioner
Goodbye Pretty Curls
Goodbye Mexican Food
Goodbye Makeup
Goodbye Jewelry
Goodbye Hotdogs
Goodbye Macaroni and Cheese
Goodbye High Gas Prices
Goodbye Fast Food
Goodbye Diet Dr. Pepper
Goodbye First World Problems
Goodbye Powell. Knoxville. Tennessee. USA.

Hello Hot Weather

Hello Bugs

Hello Beautiful Sunsets

Hello Crystal Blue Water

Hello Huge Mountains

Hello Humidity

Hello Sweating All Day Long

Hello No Traffic Laws

Hello Crazy Drivers

Hello Horn Honking

Hello Goats Roaming the Streets

Hello Precious Children

Hello No Makeup

Hello Shorts and T-shirts

Hello My dream Come True

Hello Port-au-Prince. Haiti.

SMG

Sunday, May 27, 2012

A Whole Bottle of Emotions

Well, this is the week. I leave for Haiti in 4 days. I'm starting to feel all kinds of emotions. Nervous. Emotional. Anxious. Overwhelmed. Concerned. Excited.

Everything all bottled up.

I couldn't sleep last night. I kept waking up sweating so I'd kick the covers off. Then I'd wake up cold so I'd put the covers back on. And over and over.

I could't turn my thoughts off either. I was mostly thinking how difficult it's going to be to say goodbye to my family for 2 months. It's going to be hard.

I am looking forward to being in Haiti and experiencing a life changing adventure, I'm just not looking forward to the goodbyes.

SMG

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

30 Days! 30 Days! 30 Days!

It's officially May 1st, which means I leave for Haiti in 30 DAYS!!

I'm pumped and ready to go spend the summer in my second home!

Please keep praying that God will continue to prepare my heart for this trip. That He will renew my mind. And that His will will be done this summer.

I CAN'T WAIT!!

30 DAYS!!

SMG

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Haiti T-Shirts

As one of my fundraiser's, I designed a t-shirt. Well, they came in today! They turned out WONDERFUL and I can't wait to start giving them to everyone who purchased one!

SMG

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Sometimes ...

Sometimes it's not easy to see God's hands at work. Sometimes you feel like He isn't working in your life at all. And sometimes it smacks you in the face and He supplies ever need and then some.

He's been doing that exact thing in my life over the past couple months. You know that anxiety I felt when I first got my internship this summer? IT'S GONE! Or the sleepless nights I had because I was letting Satan get the best of me and I questioned how God was going to provide all the money I needed for my internship? NO MORE QUESTIONING!

Well let me just say that in times of need, God uses those times to teach us lessons. He uses those times to see how much we're gonna trust Him. He uses those times to show us how much He loves us and how He has everything worked out if we'll just put our trust and faith in Him (Jeremiah 29:11).

So because of Gods provision I paid the remaining balance on my trip last week. Praise Jesus!!

I'm going to Haiti! 37 days and I'll be boarding a plane :)

SMG

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Pride

So I was sitting in church last night listening to Zach speak on how we are to be a follower of Christ and not just a fan ("Jesus didn't come to this earth for us to be His fan, He came for us to be a follower of Him") ... It got me thinking about my trip to Haiti this summer. I'm so pumped and excited and anxious and nervous and everything else all bottled up into one big mess of emotions. And then I got to thinking ... I'm afraid I'm using this trip to boost up my pride. I feel like I've been making this trip more about Samantha and how others view me, then about who the trip is ultimately about ... JESUS!

Yes, I talk about the trip all the time. Yes, I know this is totally a God thing because He has been there throughout this whole planning process. Yes, I know that God is going to do amazing things this summer through me and in me. But what I didn't realize until last night, is that instead of making this trip all about Him and what He's going to do, I've made it more about me. I have made points to tell people I'm going, or to make comments that I'm leaving in __ days and of course that person is going to ask where I'm going. I feel like it's okay to feel good about myself for stepping out and taking this trip, but I have been searching for that approval from other people too. I have been wanting other people to be proud of me. I have some pride issues.

So, for those who might read this blog ... please be in prayer for me. Please ask God to change my heart and make me less prideful. Please ask God to change my visions and make this trip 100% all about Him and not about me at all. Pray that I would be a vessel to better the Kingdom of God. Pray that God will do some mighty works through me this summer and that those I come in contact with will see Him and not me. Pray that God radically changes me this summer and opens my eyes to the beauty of His creation and that He will break my heart for what breaks His.

Please just pray.

SMG

Friday, March 30, 2012

Zumba Fitness Party for Haiti

Tonight we had had the "Zumba Fitness Party for Haiti!" My Zumba instructors so graciously volunteered to host this fundraiser for me! We had 47 ladies show up and I raised quite a bit of money!

Praise Jesus!

SMG

Sunday, March 25, 2012

A Card In The Mail

I went to church this morning and then went to work this afternoon. I had a pretty emotional day just thinking about different things in my life, and honestly I was ready just to go to bed when I got home. Since I house sit every weekend, I don't get my mail until Sunday evening. I got home from work and had a card sitting on my bed. I knew who it was from based on the return address, but I didn't know what it could be. I opened it up and it was from one of my sweet friends and her husband!

They said that they had been praying how they could help some of their friends, and God laid me on their hearts and they wanted to help me on my trip to Haiti. BAM! And there was a check included!

Tell me God doesn't have this under control!

SMG

Friday, March 23, 2012

Photoshoots

Since finding out that I was accepted for this internship this summer, I have been advertising 'Photoshoots for Haiti' and doing TONS of photoshoots! I don't know if it's just springtime, so the photoshoots have increased. Or if I'm getting better at my skill (I hope!). Or if people are just booking them because the funds go for a good cause ... Whatever the reason, I love it and I'm very appreciative!!

People really have been so supportive of me and this adventure I'm taking this summer. Like I've said in several blogs in the past, God keeps showing Himself more and more. He keeps either putting people in my life to help financially support me, or people I don't know all to well have financially supported me, and these photoshoots have been no different!! I did a photoshoot yesterday and the lady graciously gave me more than my asking price. That's the second time that has happened! Praise Jesus!

SMG

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Praise Jesus!!

So several days ago I wrote a blog about God being in complete control of this whole entire trip. At the end of that blog I wrote about how someone very near and dear to my heart sent me a facebook message asking where she could send money for my trip this summer.

That check came in the mail today. BAM!! Tear Jerker! She included such a sweet note along with a check.

GOD IS GOOD!! And He's in CONTROL!!

SMG

Thursday, March 1, 2012

I Booked My Flight

I Booked My Flight! I Booked My Flight!

Okay, can you tell I'm excited?!?!

This is the first time that I've ever booked a flight all by myself. It's pretty easy actually. And neat because I got all window seats (helloooo nap time) AND I'm on ALL even rows (my OCD is happy on that one!).

So it's official ... I'm leaving Thursday, May 31 at 7am from Knoxville and I'll be arriving in Port-au-Prince at 3:50pm ... and then I'll be coming home Thursday, August 2 and arriving in Knoxville around 10:15pm

9 weeks in Haiti ... I CAN'T WAIT!!!

91 DAYS UNTIL I LEAVE

SMG

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Comfort

So I was reading through my facebook quotes and came across this one

“God doesn’t call the equipped, God equips the called”

It doesn’t matter what I can do, or what I’ve done. All that matters is that I have an open heart, clear mind, and a willing body, and God will supply everything else. I find comfort in that. Knowing that with these medical clinics that I will be doing this summer, it doesn’t matter what I do or don’t know. All that matters is that I am willing to be used in the way God desires.

Didn’t think I’d be having those deeps thoughts at 8 in the morning

SMG

Friday, February 24, 2012

God is DEFINITELY in Control

So I have 97 days left until I leave for Haiti and God keeps showing His goodness more and more each step of the way.

In "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young this is what today's devotion said...

Be still in the Light of My Presence, while I communicate Love to you. There is no force in the universe as powerful as My Love. You are constantly aware of limitations: your own and others'. But there is no limit to My Love; it fills all of space, time, and eternity.

Now you see through a glass, darkly, but someday you will see Me face to Face. Then you will be able to experience fully how wide and long and high and deep is My Love for you. If you were to experience that now, you would be overwhelmed to the point of feeling crushed. But you have an eternity ahead of you, absolutely guaranteed, during which you can enjoy My Presence in unrestricted ecstasy. For now, the knowledge of My loving Presence is sufficient to carry you through each day.

What an awesome devotion today. It spoke directly to me. God is communicating His love to me so frequently lately. He keeps reminding me how much He loves me and how He has everything under control and it’s ALL in His hands!

Last night at Bible Study we talked about how God’s funds are limitless. He is able to supply all of our financial needs, as long as we trust Him and put our anxiety in His hands. That is what I keep learning with each trip I take to Haiti. This trip is more expensive then my past two, so I have to put even more trust in Him, but He is fulfilling it in mighty ways!

I still don’t know exactly what God has in store for me. I know He’s called me to be a nurse (I got my acceptance letter into LMU’s BSN program last week!!) and I know He’s given me a passion for Haiti for a reason. I just don’t know exactly what He’s going to do, but I’m open and willing to listen and ready to act!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This morning I received a facebook message from someone that I hold near and dear to my heart, but someone I don’t know all that well. She was asking me where she could send money to for my trip to Haiti this summer. WOW!! I was so humbled by her generosity to me. It definitely got my day started off the right way.

And then at lunch I had Chinese food and got a fortune cookie. My fortune cookie was …

Bam! That woman that I hold near and dear to my heart has dark hair! Crazy how I got that facebook message this morning and got that fortune this afternoon! Love it!!

SMG

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Isn't God Good?!

I’ve been advertising to my friends on facebook that I am doing photoshoots these next couple of months to raise money for my trip. I have several already booked and ready to go and many that have told me they want photoshoots; we just haven’t got the specifics worked out yet. In fact I have 4 shoots set up for this week alone!

Anyways, I have photographed one of my youth girls at church several times. Once for her 8^th grade formal, once with her then boyfriend (yea those crazy high school romances that don’t last), and once with her and another one of my youth girls. Well I’ve never charged her for these, but her grandmother came up to be today and said that she wanted to pay me for those shoots to help me on my trip.

Isn’t God good?!

SMG

Friday, February 17, 2012

It Happened Again ...

Just a couple days ago I posted about how God keeps showing up and proving to me that He has this trip ALL IN HIS HANDS!! Well, He did it yet again today!

Several weeks ago we had a contest at work. From 5pm-close, the store who made the most money (over last year), the Store Manager received $250. Pretty sweet, right? Yea it would have been sweet if I was the store manager, buuuut I'm not! We did win the contest though!!

Today was pay day, and my store manager noticed on her check that the $250 bonus was on that check. But she didn't work that Saturday, so she didn't feel like she deserved the money. So what did she do? She split the money up between who was working that night!! Pretty sweet of her, right? Totally!!

God showed up ... AGAIN!!

SMG

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

"Your Love Never Fails"

Tonight at my church’s youth group, the topic was of course “Love Talk” since yesterday was Valentine’s Day. At the end of the service we sang the song “Your Love Never Fails.” As I was standing there singing the words of that song it just hit me …

“You make all things, work together for my good”

It hit me! God is so powerful. Of course I already knew this, but with my trip to Haiti coming up this summer I’m relying on Him more to provide all of my financial needs. And within this past week, He has proven Himself twice.

I attend a Zumba class several times a week and when I announced that I was going to be going to Haiti this summer for two months, one of my instructors offered to do a Super Zumba Class (90 minutes, instead of 60) in order to help me raise some money. Of course I was pumped!! Well at class this week, she came up to me and told me that the secretary at their church asked if I might consider coming one Sunday morning to speak on my past trips to Haiti. She said that if I did that, then they would probably take up a love offering for me. BAM!! God is good!!

Then a couple days later my mom texted me asking if I might want to house/pet sit this weekend for one of her friends. Duh!! An opportunity to get out of my house and have peace and quite, pluuus get some extra money, double YES!! But it gets better!! When I went to the house to get the low down on the animals and the routines, they mentioned that if I would like too, that they might use me more often on the weekends when they go out of town. BAM!! God is GREAT!!

When I first learned that I had been accepted as an intern to go to Haiti I had several sleepless nights because I had so much anxiety over how I was going to raise that much money. I finally turned it over to God and put it in His hands. If He was truly calling me to Haiti, then He would provide the money. Heck He’s done it twice in the past, so I KNOW He can do it again!! And as time goes on, He keeps proving Himself more and more.

“You make all things, work together for my good” … He has this whole trip in His hands, and I can’t think of anyone’s hands I’d rather it be in!

Your Love Never Fails

Nothing can separate

Even if I ran away

Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes

But You have new mercies for me everyday

Your love never fails

Chorus:

You stay the same through the ages

Your love never changes

There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage

I don’t have to be afraid

Because I know that You love me

Your love never fails

The wind is strong and the water’s deep

But I’m not alone here in these open seas

Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide

I never thought I’d reach the other side

But Your love never fails

Bridge:

You make all things work together for my good

SMG

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Internship!!!

I got the internship!!! Sara, from World Wide Village, called me today telling me that they would like to have me working with them in Haiti this summer for two months!! I am so stinkin excited!!

She told me that I would primarily be working in medical clinics with two doctors that are also interning this summer!! Man, everything is aligning up just perfectly. I got the internship and they want to place me in the medical clinics learning from a couple doctors. Now I just have to get into nursing school and my life will be on track! Thanks Jesus!!

SMG