Struggles

Wow!  Today started out with all kinds of struggles for me.  I felt isolated.  I felt alone.  I felt that I was in the wrong place.  I felt unsure of a lot of things.  I felt like I didn’t have any answers to anything.  Some of those struggles are still with me (please keep me in your prayers), but several of those struggles were quickly removed from my mind after today.

With all these feelings going through my mind, there’s nothing better than a conversation with my momma.  So I called her before we left for the day.  She never ceases to amaze me.  She always knows the right words to say when I’m feeling down.  Funny how that works! (Love You Mom!)

Today we went to an orphanage called ‘Tree of Life’ that is about 15 minutes from our house.  They currently have 13 children and two motherly figures.  As soon as we got out of the car one little boy held his hands up for me to hold him.  Honestly from my past experiences in Haiti, this didn’t surprise me.  I instantly feel in love with this little boy.  I knew he was going to be ‘mine.’  And sure enough he stuck with me the whole day.

After spending some time with the precious children I saw how malnourished they are and how much they just yearn to have someone to hold them.  It breaks my heart every time I think about it.

My little boy, Roosvelt (oos-velt), was one of the more severe malnourished children.  He was very quiet.  He didn’t smile very much.  He really worried me.  After lunch time and he had his belly full, he came and found me and raised his little arms up for me to pick him up.  His demeanor changed.  He was happier and seemed to enjoy the other children more. 

Seeing this made my heart break over and over again.  I was showing this little boy love and attention, but that wasn’t enough.  He was hungry.  His belly was aching for nutrition.  This just reminds me that no matter the circumstances, if someone doesn’t have their basic needs met, then they aren’t going to care about much of anything else.

While the children were playing before lunchtime I couldn’t help but think how hungry I was.  How thirsty I was and would do just about anything for some cold water.  But then it hit me.  These children go through that on a daily basis.  They only get 2 meals a day, one around 7 or 8 in the morning and one around 12 or 1 in the afternoon, and that’s it.  Their bellies are always craving something more.  This is a recurring theme, but …

That broke my heart even more.

How can I be so caught up in me me me when I’ve never once questioned where my next meal would come from or if it would feel me up?  Or if the water I’m drinking was going to hurt me.

Another thing that hit me straight in the face was the two women who run the orphanage.  Neither one of them technically ‘run’ the orphanage, that lady has disappeared, but these women have stuck around because they care for these kids so much.  They don’t eat unless there’s enough for the kids first.  They sacrifice so much for these kids.  There are no finances coming in, so they use their own money to help raise these children.  They are very strong women.  I am a better person for knowing them.  And I’m anxious to see where our relationship goes throughout this summer.

I know this was a long blog post, but I had a powerful day and had to share some of the biggest things.  I ask that you all continue to lift me up in prayer and keep sending me encouragement (comments, facebook messenger, email: samantha.gross1213@gmail.com) as I’m still having some hard times.  It’s hard being here with no family, long term friends, or anyone who completely ‘gets’ me like so many from back home do, so the communication from back home helps!  I love you all!!

SMG